Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
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I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
pray to the hookup gods
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize