Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
