Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
