Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
