When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
