I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
