its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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