hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
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I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
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This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I want to fling myself into the sun
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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