Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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