i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
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they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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