So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
