if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
