should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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