brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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