i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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