I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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