I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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