i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
