I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
