Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
