maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
