My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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