is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
