I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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