Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
