I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
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I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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