if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
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She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing