UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Watching her eat just hurts me
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
