Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
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I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
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I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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