i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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