eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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