He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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