HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
