please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize