Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
