Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize