Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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