he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize