he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.