Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
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Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
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Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.