I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located