Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy