When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
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Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
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I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.