some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program