My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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