Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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