How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
