There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I enjoy the company of your penis
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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