so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
