Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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