I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
