Your dad touched me again.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
