atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize