Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you win again, gameday.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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