He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
